i’m getting too old for the dumb shit on this website

I may be starting a second job at State Farm soon. This is scary. Everything is so scary. Man, I am just adulting all over 2014 so far.

04-24 / 12:39 / 5 notes

This is the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me

but today at work I think had a seizure because I was thinking about Titanic randomly, and out of nowhere I just blurted out Bill Paxton’s line, “You have my attention, Rose" really dramatically and then my foot got stuck under my swivel chair and I almost fell off.

??? HELP

04-23 / 1:10 / 13 notes

Where’s the scholastic book fair for my adult life? Huh? Bring that shit into the work force. Life would improve by 500%

04-23 / 9:13 / 6 notes
Title: Pale Blue Eyes
Artist: The Velvet Underground
Played: 1465 times

You know at the end of That Power where Donald tells his story about the bus ride home from camp when he was little? I want a hundred more of those to listen to. That was honestly one of my favorite parts of Camp.

04-23 / 12:24 / 21 notes
04-22 / 9:55 / 32 notes

Every single Earth Day all I can think about is my second year of third grade (yes, second year. I was held back, LAY OFF) and how the whole entire third grade went to ISU campus to perform a play about Earth Day. This boy I had a crush on all year and I were the only kids not in the play because we had a choice whether we wanted to be in it or not, and even back then I was a slacker who hated getting up in front of people.

So our whole class is on this stage, and him and I were sitting on the grass in the quad of this college campus together, and I just remember feeling so cool. These college students were obviously annoyed by us and not even paying any attention, but I was like, “Wow, they probably think I’m one of them. I’m not one of these lame kids on stage” and of course being the same precocious, self-involved kid, he was thinking the same thing. I distinctly remember sitting there together with our sugar cookies that looked like earth in our hands and paper cups (happy earth day amirite) filled with juice drinking them like they were fucking beers, judging our classmates and laughing at them. Then we tried to walk off on our own and got yelled at in front of these college kids. Totally embarrassed in front my college peers, I tried to save face the best I could. Like, even if I was trying to pass for a college student at the age of 8 or 9, what the hell was I doing trying to sneak off with a third grader? There was no winning in this little ruse of mine.

Fifteen-ish years later, I haven’t really changed much. Still pretentious. Still fucking up with boys.  Still thinking about dramatic events from elementary school that are more less exactly like my life now.

04-22 / 9:04 / 4 notes
04-21 / 3:25 / 34 notes
04-21 / 2:33 / 117 notes

i caught sight of my reflection on the back of one of my dvds and i looked so good. petition to change all mirrors to the backs of dvds

04-20 / 5:05 / 9 notes

Eating my Easter meal standing up with a crying dog on my hip. I feel like a mom with a newborn.

04-20 / 3:33 / 9 notes

anotherpersonhasclaimedthaturlsaid: holy shit that’s a huge coffee mug

you have no idea. look at how ridiculous this looks next to my head.

this is too embarrassing to take anywhere

04-20 / 1:38 / 6 notes